Yes, it is midnight. And yes I am going to school tomorrow. But as a person who wants to be a writer, I can't fight the urge to write when ideas are storming through my head. And yes this post may have absolutely no point to any of you, and yes I should probably make another blog for all my rambling posts, but this is exchange and it is my life and this is how I define my life... In writing.
Writing, a truly amazing thing and something I feel so priveleged to have a talent in. Maybe everything I write isn't beautiful and they are full of grammatical errors, but I was gifted with the knowledge, that I have the power to write whatever comes to mind. And I was gifted by our founding fathers with the right to speak my feelings.
Many people see these as downfalls in Americans. Our uncanning ability to say what we feel. But I have always been taught to never leave something unsaid. The words unsaid are the ones that you will regret the most in life. And I believe this to be true.
Blessings, something so evident in my life at this moment. I am blessed beyond words. And I know I am so painfully redundant when I say this, but how can I not be? Look at where I am and how I got here. I am one of the most blessed people on this planet. I was blessed with a Mother, who has taught me to love unconditionally and to never give up. A Father, who has always taught me to speak my mind and choose to see the light in all the darkness. Two Beautiful Sisters, who have taught me what it means to have family and have never failed to be there for me when I needed them, no matter the price. Exchange, that has taught me that there is no impossible. Everything can be achieved and the adversity and the strife only make the victory that much sweeter. Friends, who have shown me that flaws do not define me and who I will become but only make me stronger, and who have held me up when my world seemed to be crashing.
Life, the scariest thing in life, is life itself. We are scared to know when we will take our last breath. We are scared to lose the things and people we hold dearest in our lives. But the most important thing about life that people so rarely remember is it is a privelege. I am priveleged to be breathing at this very moment. And I am priveleged to live the life I do. And it is always worse for someone else. But sometimes we forget these things. We get so wrapped up in something that we forget the simple beauties and priveleges of this life. I am as guilty as ever. But one thing this year has taught me is to never take a single moment forgranted. I will never get back the first time I saw the ocean, I will never get back the last time I heard a dear friend laugh, I will never get back the feeling of sitting on my dads' shoulders knowing he could stop any monster from getting me. I will never get these things back, but yet I still focus so much on the future and forget to live for now. What I would give to hear my mom singing a lullaby to me, or to push my little sister in a swing even though I wasn't much bigger than her. Or that feeling of waking up on Christmas knowing Santa had come. So many things that seem so ordinary... but I will never have those moments again in my life.
So what this year has taught me, and the moral of the story is this... Life is filled with blessings that we take forgranted. And try as we might we cannot live for now. We always have to be ahead. I guess the reason I am writing is to say, I am deciding right now to live for now. To remember how blessed I am and to never look back.
I apologize if this made no sense to anyone. I really don't expect my rambling to have any sense even to myself, but when I am laying in bed and my mind is racing, I know I have to write. Whether it has sense or not, I have to write. So thanks for reading.
Much love, Kari <3
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